Hello Friends, Family, and all those who are reading! I am in Thailand! It is near the end of January and I have been here for about a month so far and it has already felt like I have been here for years. I am doing this post in two parts because I wanted to update you all on my life, but for many of my blog posts I want to focus on one subject that comes to mind that I want to write about, so it is long but it will be worth the read.
[Part 1] On January 4th I had landed in L.A. and all my nerves were at their highest. I got my last In-n-Out Double-Double and milkshake and once I got into the hotel I had to change and the process of the Peace Corps Training (PCT) began. Everyone I had met here are amazing individuals and we already feel like a Peace Corps family. That first day we were able to introduce ourselves to the individuals that we will be with for the next three months until we move into our permanent community placement. That first day we were able to let out all our anxieties and feelings that were shared throughout the group and some of our concerns were confirmed and some reassured. The Peace Corps staff does not shy away from putting this experience into perspective and telling us the reality of what seems too good to be true. I think its needed, this is not a vacation. The next day we were off to Thailand. That whole day was spent traveling from the states to Thailand in two flights (flight to Seoul took 12.5 hours, a 1 hour delay in Seoul, and the flight to Thailand from Seoul was 6 hours) and one bus ride from the airport in Bangkok to our hotel (2 hours) in a city called Suphan Buri. We arrived at our hotel with time just to take a nap since it was 5 a.m. Thailand time and our first meeting was at 8a.m. and we needed to eat breakfast. The next ten days we spent in our hotel learning basic language skills, about the Thai culture, and general information we needed to know before we moved in with our host families. To paint the picture in your head of what this week consisted of I will just say this: it is a bunch of information thrown at you that you hope to retain, but in reality all your emotions are pushing to the surface and you are trying to understand the new environment you are thrown into while also containing your excitement for the new adventure you are about to embark on with these amazing individuals that you gain unexpectedly real friendships with and realize you will leave them in little over two months. I only randomly cried once. Weather here during that week was actually not as hot as one would think when you are in Thailand. At some points we were cold and we needed to throw on pants instead of shorts when walking around the city. For the most part, though, Thailand is hot and humid. If you know me well enough, I sweat regularly in California weather, so being sweaty all the time is something I got used to real quick. Though, I don't feel as self conscious about it because everyone is sweating together all the time. The city of Suphan Buri was a beautiful city that was pretty modernized compared to what you are thinking when I say "Thailand". The city itself has store fronts, apartments, market places, gas stations, restaurants, homes, Buddhist temples and yes even McDonalds. While exploring a couple of us were able to visit a "Dragon Park", sing karaoke with the training staff, eat fried rice, pad thai, etc., and enjoy ourselves in the "calm before the storm." (What I like to call it since the next couple days were not as fun). Ten days later, we were given our bikes (our form of transportation for the next two years) and were assigned our host families in the city of Don Chedi where we are going to finish the rest of our training. All the volunteers in our group live here together until the end of our training period. I live in the southern side of the province in a area called Rai Rot and I bike about 10 miles in total per day when I go to and from my language lessons, to our main hub and back to my house. Before I describe my host family I would like to go over how Adoption day went (Us volunteers call the day we met our host families "Adoption day" because it truly felt like we were being adopted). Our training staff tried to prepare us as much as possible to be able to communicate with our host families when we first met them, but all that training flew out the window when I was face to face with the person I would soon call "Mom". Just think of any stressful situation where you had no way to convey what you wanted to say to the person you were with, you had some type of expectation for what they were gonna be like and they were nothing of the sort. I was sweating from the weather, but I started to sweat even more from the awkwardness and the stress of the situation entirely. But as the days went on it got so much better. I live with an amazing host family and they surpassed anything that I could probably ask for because they truly do care for me as if I was one of their own. I live with my Meh (Mom in Thai) named Apon (56), which is her nickname that translates to Apple, and my Paw (Dad in Thai, but he's actually my Meh's Dad or Uncle; I don't really know the family dynamic that well currently, obviously) named Charram (84). We have a two bedroom house, one bedroom is for me and the other is for my Meh, and my Paw sleeps in the living room. There is a kitchen in the back of my house which is also next to the bathroom (hong-naam is bathroom in Thai, needed to learn that word right away; also ahb-naam is shower in Thai, something I also learned very quickly). The neighbors around me are all related in some way whether they are blood related or through marriage, which is really nice because I became close with all my neighbors very quick. Some people to mention are that I have three kids that are my neighbors that I consider some of my closest Thai friends named Bimon (6), Sen (10), and Dt-en(13). In addition, I am really close with some older Thais that I do not remember most of their names, but one that I know for sure is Meaw (37) (pronounced meow like the Cat sound) and she is funny and honestly an all around great person to be around, and also Bimon's mother. We are already Facebook friends. Something that came to my surprise is that I also have an openly transgender neighbor who's name is Victoria (32), which is surprising because I thought that it would not be accepted as much but it is! To sum up my daily life so far, I would say that during the week I wake up around 5:30am or 6:00am depending on how I'm feeling that day and shower. My shower is luckily with a shower head and the water can be hot, but I tend to keep it cool. One of the perks of my homestay because other volunteers are not as lucky and they have to do bucket showers, which I am sure I will need to learn later down the line, but for now I'm enjoying the little things. Once I'm done ahb-naam-ing (thailish is my thing), I change to clothes I'm willing to sweat in, pack my professional dress and any materials I need in my backpack, and fill up my water bottle. My Meeh is a true blessing because while I shower and get ready she is preparing me a large breakfast that I never finish, but I appreciate it every time. (Pics will be posted on my images tab, check them out^). I then get on my bike and bi-chakayan (ride bike in thai) either about 1 mile to my language lesson or I bike about 5 miles to our training hub where we learn about our program and different topics that get brought up throughout our service. Each day we get a break around 10:45am and then we are free to get lunch at noon, but if I am at my language class I bike from the class to the training hub and then get lunch. Usually on the days I have to bike before lunch I am dripping sweat and just accept that I am not gonna stop until I get some type of air conditioning, which is thankfully provided in our training hub. We then end our day at 5:00pm and I either hang back with other volunteers to relax or I bike my way back home on the 5 mile trek. I have recently been playing soccer, joining the local aerobics class with the older women, or playing uno/badminton with the neighbors once I get back from training as a way to de-stress. Dinner is usually around 6 or 7:00pm and I am in bed by 9:00pm because biking all day in this heat really takes a lot out of you. Weekends are starting to become a little busier, but usually I hangout with other volunteers and their host families or the host families' children. One of the days I helped my Meh with watering their Banana and Mango trees, which I believe is how they make a living but I am still unsure. These past couple of weeks we were actually lucky enough to be in this city when they have their annual Don Chedi Festival, which is a way for the community to commemorate a battle between the King of Thailand and Burmese troops that Thailand had won around this time. The festival is something like a County Fair, but much larger in scale. Some other interesting things that I have been a part of were two Monk coronations, one I found randomly walking the streets next to the hotel we were originally staying at and the second other volunteers and myself were honorary guests, and I had the chance to experience a Thai funeral for one of the community members that had passed away a week or so ago. Overall I have been truly enjoying my experience here in Thailand! Everyone that I have crossed paths with has been welcoming and accepted all of the volunteers, including myself, with open arms. In my first post I had a couple questions rolling around in my head that had me truly anxious before, but I have some answers. Winter is now and its 90 degrees. My host family likes me, I think. Thai people really do love Karaoke as much as I do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Part 2] Identity. Something many of us hold precious, and once lost some of us can truly break. The identity of every single volunteer, myself included, has been something that has become apparent right when we walked into the room where we all had met each other for the first time in L.A. on January 4th. My identity has not been something that I have thought about every waking moment of my life, but here in the Peace Corps, especially Thailand, it seems as though my identity is something on my thoughts often. When I first introduced myself to others I thought to tell them where I'm from, my background, what I did back at home, etc. and in a sense that sums up to some part of my identity. My identity also consists of many other things though, things that you can either see on the surface or something that you wouldn't know unless I tell you. Peace Corps is an amazing experience that can bring a volunteer a sense of fulfillment, happiness, and excitement, but at the same time be one of the most challenging experiences someone can face. Thailand's culture is complex. At one side of culture you are met with smiles and nam-jai ("water heart" in thai, which is a way of life in showing kindness to those close to you and returning that kindness as well), but on the other you are met with comments, questions, or actions that are common within their culture, but could be met with frustration, anger, or sadness in American culture. In addition, to put it bluntly, you are the foreigner(or farang, as they say in Thai), and that just means your identity is put under the spotlight or the magnifying glass as some would like to put it. I can only speak on my experiences, but for many I would just like to say they have been faced with issues around their body size, skin color, ethnic background, age, and so much more that have caused many to either feel many of the emotions I had brought up earlier or even question if they can really go through with this. To ease the tension, I am not questioning why I am here. I am in a good place, around an amazing support network whether it be here in Thailand or back at home, and I am beyond excited to start my work here. Though, I wanted to make sure that people understand the challenges that many of us face that can affect any person thinking of joining the Peace Corps. For me there are actually two aspects of my identity that I constantly think about while I am here in Thailand. One, I am one of "the Americans" in my community. I never really thought in the past that being American was gonna be something that was a huge part of my identity, but here it makes up most of my identity. Let's be honest us Americans can stick out like a sore thumb, but here we are giants in a field of grass. Anywhere we go for lunch or if we are going out with our host family in the festival we have our picture taken, videos taken, and even the occasional selfie. We are celebrities. Though, this is attention that none of us had asked for. My life has become the entertainment of the local thai's and it gets old very fast. I had many instances where I had been introduced to many of my host Mom's friends just because I am a foreigner staying with her. When I was at the festival I thought it would be fun to dance to the music playing, and the next minute I'm thrown up on stage to then dance with the band, which was actually really fun at first. The next day my host Mom and my neighbors ask if my other volunteer friend and I want to go dancing and I thought that would be really fun to see what kind of night life there was, so I said yes. My host Mom then takes me back to the festival to then have my friend and I dance on the same stage that they had thrown me up on the other night. This time with a bigger crowd. In my eyes I was being used for my identity as "the American". At the time I felt uncomfortable and wanted nothing more than to be out of the spotlight. Two. I am a male from America who's single. In America, we do not really like to ask personal questions about someone's life or about the love interests of someone we had just met. Here in Thailand it is the thing that you are asked within the first 10 minutes of conversation. Not only does it come up early in conversation, but it comes up in almost every conversation you have with any new person you meet here. I have a hard time telling my own family about my love life, now I have people I have never even met asking me 20 questions. For me, though, I have something that comes as an extra challenge when it comes to these questions. I am gay. Many of you either already knew or this is your first time finding out, so if you are in the latter group welcome to my life. Being gay is something that I often have struggled with when I was back home in the states, and I have actually had a pretty great handle of it for the past 8 years of my life. Though, coming to Thailand it seems that I have been thrown back into that hole we call the "closet" once again. For me its not that I care what people actually think of me and who I love, but here I work as a volunteer and I don't know if being out will affect how I am perceived in my community and how that will affect the respect I receive or the work I am trying to do. This is the same thing that I had pushed myself through in the states since the day I knew I was gay, but it was even bigger. I questioned if my family would love me, I questioned whether my friends would still wanna be my friend, would my boss at work care, would teachers treat me differently, will I get weird looks on the street if I held the hand of a guy on the street. I dug myself out of that closet and I burned all the anxieties that were holding me back from being who I really am. Now I don't know if I will let myself endure it once again for two more years. I've thought a lot about my identity, and here is where I'm at. Addressing the "American" part of my identity, I just need to take a step back and see the world from their perspective. When I think back to a similar experience, I think back to when there were foreign exchange students that came to my middle school for a week. I remember how those that had the foreign exchange students staying at their house were proud and excited to show their friends their new friend that they had made from a totally different country. I remember that we all were jealous and that the person showing the foreigner off was doing it to show their appreciation for them being there. Now looking at my own situation, it is a little different, but similar in the sense that I know that my host family means well in everything that they are doing for me and that I need to appreciate what is in front of me. Yes it might be a little much sometimes having 50 pictures taken of you as you eat lunch like a hungry hippo, but it is out of appreciation for me being here. Now, addressing my identity as a gay male, its a process. I have learned that many of the questions that Thai people ask you when they first meet you will always be personal and about your love life. It just means that they are trying to get to know you and get closer to you. To be honest I often appreciate the bluntness of many of their questions. For many I am close to they know a lot of what I have gone through, and these next couple of months I will rely on falling back on what I've done before. When I get to my permanent site it might be a different story, but I have not decided if I want to tell my community or not about that part of my identity. In the end of the day I am here as a volunteer to serve the greater good of the country of Thailand by teaching kids and helping them grow to be the future leaders of their communities. I have found my coping mechanisms early on and I understand my identity enough to not care whether people know or not about my true identity. I have learned so much about my self as well as the type of people that the Thai community so far consists of. In Thailand, you can find the humor in any situation and once you are able to laugh at the situation you're in or at yourself you are doing it right. I have grown more than any of you reading could ever know and it's been something amazing to experience first hand. Looking forward to the many more lessons I will be learning here in Thailand. Thanks for Reading.
0 Comments
It is approximately 11:13pm PST on January 3rd, 2018 and I have finally packed the next two years of my life into a suitcase, a traveling backpack, a duffle bag and a backpack. I have so many emotions rushing through my mind that it is honestly difficult to put into words because joining the Peace Corps was something that I had set my mind on since November of 2016. I guess that throws everyone off since that is only about a year ago so let me rewind and let you know why I decided to join the Peace Corps in the first place.
Fall of 2016. I am a Fourth year at Cal Poly SLO (San Luis Obispo) and I am graduating June of 2017 as a political science major. Now you're probably thinking he should have his life figured out by then, and by the looks of what he majored in he's most likely going back to school for either Grad school or Law school. Well that was the plan, Law School. Though, if you know me at all, plans can fall through and change dramatically. I had planned to take the LSAT the summer before school had started in the fall, but when I tried studying I put it off. I told myself I needed to sign up to take the test early so that I would be able to have a score by the time I wanted to apply to Law school, and I didn't do it. I subconsciously (or consciously, depends on how you wanna see it) was physically and mentally apprehensive about devoting the next three or four years of my life to school and more debt. Fall quarter starts and I begin to question everything in life and I was positive I hit my mid-life crisis at the age of 20 (cue the shocked faces and the public deniers). All jokes aside, I was stressed beyond belief because I knew I didn't want to go back to school after graduation and taking a year off sounded terrifying. It was not until I met one of my professors that I had realized that by avoiding the impending stress that is Law School I had allowed myself to explore many options that I never knew I had. This professor was probably one of the most inspiring and genuine individuals that I have ever met. Why do I give this professor such high regards? Because she put the world into a perspective for me that I may not have been able to realize without her guidance. There is a longer story behind what the professor had told me and the rest of the class, but in short I interpreted what the professor said as this (added a lot of my own words as well): Why would you push yourself into a job, more school, more debt and more stress only to get stuck and be unhappy with yourself. Our world is full of ideas, experiences and life, which we all take for granted, and those that are unhappy are the ones that also regret not experiencing their life to the fullest. School and work will always be there, but you only have one life, so why not take what life has to offer. I took that to heart and my mind was racing with all the possibilities you could think of. For an assignment in the same class we were told to explore routes one could take after graduation through different programs, either more schooling or take time for service in another country or domestically. That was when I discovered the Peace Corps. The three goals behind the Peace Corps were ones that I highly resonated with, which are: 1)To help the people of interested countries in meeting their need for trained men and women. 2)To help promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served. 3)To help promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans. Empathy and kindness. These are the words that come to mind when I read each of those goals, and they have been something that I admire in everyone that I look up to. Showing empathy for those around you and different from you allows you to see the world from a different perspective and to understand it better. Showing kindness allows you to humble yourself and have a greater appreciation for the life you are given. So I had made up my mind to join the Peace Corps. Fast forward over a year and here I am all packed up and ready to begin this next chapter in my life. I have been wanting a change in pace in my life for a long time now and it is finally happening. Some things I am asking myself before I take on the journey: Has everything that brought me to this moment prepared me for what is about to come? Will the people in my thai community like me? Do Thai people enjoy Karaoke as much as I do? Will everything change back in the U.S. while I am gone? Does winter ever come??? The only thing I know for sure is that I will know the answer to all of these questions soon enough. Before I end the post, I already know some questions that might be on your mind and the answers as well: Where will you be staying for the two years of your service? A: I do not know yet, but I will know close to the end of my three months of training and I will inform you all when I know. How will we be able to contact you? Will you have Wifi? Facebook? A: I will have all my contact information on my contact page of my blog (check the top tabs), but I will have a phone that I can call from and maybe txt (have to confirm), also regular mailing is available and you don't have to but getting mail sounds exciting (I will put the address for mail and packages on the contact page as well). I will have Wifi intermittently due to it only being available to me in certain parts of my community, but it is available. I will try to update my Facebook every once in a while (if I have time) to put pictures and videos up, but definitely check my blog because that is what I will primarily update you all with! How often will you update your blog? A: I do not want to set a specific time frame of how often I will update the blog, but I will try to post at least every month so that you all can be in the know about what I'm doing with my life. What is the food you will miss the most? A: Well I ate Thai food almost every week these past couple months and it is my favorite, but I will have an abundance of that in THAILAND. But I would have to say either street tacos or pizza (specifically Costco because that is the best). Also, Milkshakes. And any persian food that my mom makes. I have a lot of food I will miss. Thank you for reading! The next time I update this I will be in Thailand! |
Archives
October 2019
Categories |