It has been a really long time since I have updated my blog and it is because things have started to pick up pretty fast here. Since my last post I have started my work at the schools in my community and I have started to get accustomed to a daily schedule, which consists of going to the schools three times a week (Tuesday-Thursday from 8:00am until 4:30pm; days end around 4:00 for the students at the schools usually in Thailand), I go to my local government office or my local health office on Mondays and Fridays. I am assisting the English teachers at two of my schools in my community, which the students range in age from 8-15 years old, and I help with English lessons as well as lead different life skills activities. In addition to helping with English classes, I lead a couple activities at a camp for drug and alcohol abuse prevention amongst youth, developing healthy relationships in youth, sexual and reproductive health, and teen pregnancy, which is held annually by my community. I have gotten many questions along the lines of, "What is your job?". Well let me answer that for you. I am essentially a youth leader volunteer and I work with the local government office, health office, and the schools to create a bridge between each of these entities within the community. From there I help facilitate different activities with the help of different local officials in the community to provide the youth with opportunities to grow into healthy and engaged citizens who contribute positively to their communities. This job is not really structured like many other jobs in the United States because I am given little structure to my job and can really make it what I want it to be, which is also because I work with many different municipalities in my community. Currently, I am at the beginning stages of my service and that just means that I am working to create relationships with those individuals in my community, which are the youth and community members that I will be working with. In addition, I am helping them understand what my role is in their community and gaining their trust, as I am a foreigner that is living within their community. On the weekends I am usually doing my housework, running and working out, taking long bike rides, hanging out with my host family, hanging out with the local kids in my village, and, if I find time, I like to take weekends away to visit friends at their sites or meet them in near-by cities for down time. I find myself in my head a lot since I have been here, and sometimes I have no idea what is going on around me or what I am doing here. I've found myself in a constant state of vulnerability. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they are never weakness" -- Brene Brown The first day is always the hardest. That's what someone told me when I started my first job and there is some truth behind that statement for most jobs. However, I think that is because with every day came routine and learning from mistakes that happened before, but with the Peace Corps it seems as though I am constantly learning from mistakes or adapting to new situations. It has been almost four months since being at my site and about 7 months since I have come to Thailand, and I can honestly say that I still have no set routine of how my day goes or what work I will be doing. It comes with the job. In the Peace Corps you learn that your day can be filled with challenges thrown at you left and right and you get through it by rolling with the punches, constantly adapting. My first day working with the kids at the school was eventful. I went to my largest school and my schedule was filled from hour to hour where I planned on shadowing the English teacher to see how she taught the kids regularly. I get to the first class with the teacher and she begins the class by introducing me, and I had about 40 tiny eyes looking at me as I spoke the broken thai that I knew to these kids, which they probably did not understand or struggled to understand what I was saying. From there the teacher had the students take out their English workbooks and then had me lead the class in a pronunciation lesson by having the kids repeat what I say (so much for shadowing). I went through the whole day doing the same thing in each of the classes feeling drained and annoyed that the day didn't go as planned. I got home and told myself tomorrow is a new day. The next day I had to teach at my smaller school and the same thing happened where I was introduced to the class, except this time I was given full control of the class because the teacher needed to go do something for the principal. My anxiety was at its peak because I had no plan to lead the class that day and they did not have any workbooks to go off of (they usually learn from a recorded lesson on the T.V. ; schools that do not have English teachers or the resources to provide an english lesson have to resort to teaching with a recorded program on the T.V. or computer). I thought quickly and decided to have a lesson on introductions in English, so we worked on saying "My name is..." and "I like...". The lesson went really well and the kids caught on very fast, which impressed me a lot and I was able to learn some of the kids names. These two days were completely different, however, each of these days I had to be vulnerable and put myself outside of my comfort zone to do my job. Vulnerability is a part of the job in the Peace Corps. I have found that being vulnerable is one thing that will get me through my service here. If I was not vulnerable, I would not be able to get in front of a class of twenty students to lead activities on life skills in a foreign language. If I was not vulnerable, I would not be able to immerse myself in a culture of different foods, religions, family dynamics, hierarchy and statuses, and much more that is different from the one I grew up in. If I was not vulnerable, I would not be able to leave my home and the comfort of my family and friends to live across the world constantly meeting strangers and befriending children as my closest friends. My vulnerability is what drives my day-to-day actions since I have come to Thailand, and it will until the end of my service. One of my favorite stories from site is one in which my vulnerability paid off in the end. It was on a Saturday, and usually on Saturday's I tend to laze around and do my housework or watch Netflix because it is one of the only times where I do not have to be "on" all the time ("on" is a term us PC volunteers use when we are around locals constantly using the local language or even trying to be in a room with a bunch of locals being mindful of our actions). I was about to go take a nap when a bunch of kids from my village and some from my classes came by my house and asked me if I wanted to go on a bike ride. This was probably one of the first times that the kids came to me to ask to hangout or doing anything really, and I was shocked. I was very ready to just say no and take my nap because I wanted to rest, but I pushed myself to say yes. I asked them where they wanted to go and they said they did not know and they wanted me to lead them, so I decided to take them to where I go running usually because it wasn't too far and it had a great view. Some of the kids said they never even went there before and I was shocked because I think everyone in the community should go. We went around once and stopped to look at the fish near the water, and we stopped at this dirt pile because they wanted to take some pictures. I got to know the kids a lot better just from riding with them and just being in their presence. It was getting late so I wanted to get them home before it got dark, and on our way back they asked me this in Thai, "Are we your friends?" I said, "Yes of course." Once we got back to my house they said, "Same time tomorrow?" How could I say no. My vulnerability to not do what I wanted to do and just say yes to being with the kids led me to having some great friendships with these kids. I have my hard days and days where I will want to be alone, but I will always say yes to hanging out with these kids, my friends. Every day I try to be vulnerable in the work that I do, whether it be speaking up for myself with the teachers or my other co-workers in the government office or putting myself in front of twenty to thirty students teaching about life skills or saying yes to the random invitations. This vulnerability has allowed me to gain confidence in my own self, while also being a good role model for my students in the classroom. One thing that I found to be very similar among most classes that I have lead here is that the students do not have the confidence to be vulnerable in the classroom or sometimes within the community. They choose to be shy or keep to what they know and it hinders their ability to grow as individuals. I make sure to show that being vulnerable is okay, and if you fail that's ok because you can just learn from your mistakes and try again. I want them to know that it is okay being outside of their comfort zone because life is not going to always be comfortable. Learning through vulnerability has been the best tool for me to get through the challenges I have gone through in life, and I am still learning. Peace Corps has challenged my vulnerability every day, but I know with every day comes new obstacles and facing them head on only makes me stronger. I hope I can pass this on to the students I work with.
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