Dear Whomever is taking the time to read this blog, or Perspective Peace Corps Volunteer, or My family and friends, or My community members, or Someone who needs to hear this, or my Future-self,
We did it. I made it to two years and let me tell you I am full of emotions. Where has the time gone?! I can remember the day I got onto the plane to come to Thailand and then I blink my eyes and here I am packing up my house in my community getting ready to say bye. Throughout the months of my service, my friends in my cohort and I would always say we were ready to finally make it to the end of our service and be done. Well the day has finally come and there are so many mixed emotions. On one hand, I want to finally get back to America and join my family and friends to catch up on all the time lost and events that I had missed. On the other hand, I have a community of Thai locals and Peace Corps friends (let's be honest, family) that I grew close with over these past two years and I have to say my good bye's because who knows when we will see each other again. A typical question that Thai people like to ask us as foreigners working away from home is, "Do you miss your home?", and I would answer laughingly because of course I missed home and I was annoyed they even asked. Now, they started making statements saying like, "He missed his home, so he is happy he will go home.", but they would also add "Will you miss Thailand?" The thing that they don't realize is that when I hear the word "Home" there is more than one place that comes to mind. To answer the question of if I will miss Thailand, well the answer is: Yes, of course I will miss Thailand. These past two years I have done a lot of introspection because well that is what happens when I am stuck in a village full of people that do not speak my first language. Thailand has taught me so much and it is kind of scary how different I have become since being here. Before coming to Thailand I found myself scared to be myself and just doing what others were doing because it was safe. Now, do not get me wrong, I am an outgoing individual no question about it, but internally there was a fight between who I am and what I thought was what other people want to see on the outside. However, while living in Thailand I noticed that individuality was not a common characteristic of Thai youth and the adults as well, which made me realize how can I try to teach that the students need to be more confident in their individuality when I myself was not confident in my own. I found my individuality in Thailand. Being myself made me able to find my place here and I stopped caring what people around me thought and in-turn I saw that many of my students started to feel comfortable showing their individuality as well. Being gay, I have always been "a lot" but in America I saw myself holding back who I really was to make others feel comfortable. I am done making others feel comfortable. I am ready to bring this confidence back with me. If you find yourself holding back who you are, bringing yourself down, or not being "too much", well I want you to know that it is not you who needs to change, but actually it is the people around us that needs to accept you for you and if they can't well then they don't deserve a place in your head space. They were too toxic for you anyways. I have started thinking about what I was going to be doing when I got back to the U.S. and I have my answer: I do not know. Now, before the people reading this that had a ten-year plan since they were born have a heart attack, hear me out. I have a vision for what drives me toward my goals and I will find the jobs that lead me to that vision and goals, but does that mean there is only one path to take to get there, no. I have broken down this widely accepted notion in my head that was taught to me since I was a kid that I needed to have one plan to get one profession and that should be my goal for my life. Let me tell you right now, a job is not what makes life meaningful. Read that again. The one thing that brought me to want to go to a university was because I was told that was the next step in my career. I will say that going to a university for me was a great decision because it helped me realize that everything I was told growing up was not the one way to do life, but actually there are many ways to do life, which lead to my decision to join the Peace Corps. However, going to a university is not for everyone. These past two years I decided to walk the path less taken and it was the best decision of my life. Of course this is a risky decision because I was leaving the life I have lived for my whole life full of my family, friends, and an environment I knew and you pretty much have to give up your comfortability. But life is about making risky decisions so I can know myself and the world around me. Would I recommend you join the Peace Corps? Absolutely yes! Would I recommend anyone to join the Peace Corps? Absolutely not, but why not look into it and see if that is something you would be able to do because it only starts with an idea of: when will you ever have an opportunity like this again? I am ready for my next chapter of my life. I will miss the people I have met along the way through this experience because they have all prepared me for what is ahead. I have this new found confidence in how I will meet the challenges that life will present me along the way and I know I have a strong network of support that will help me if I need as well. How do I thank all the people that have brought me to where I am today? Easy. Continue to strive for my highest potential in all aspects of my life, take risks that scare me but have the potential to make me challenge myself to be better, and remind myself every day that life will be full of peaks and valleys and many amazing experiences in the future. Last, but not least, I learned I can do hard things. Thank You, Cyrus Ebadat Pii Cy, Dtong-Khla, Ta-krai
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